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Today, I was knocked unconscious by the 10 year-old I was babysitting because it was his younger sister's bedtime and he didn't want her to go. When I came to, their mother was screaming at me for sleeping on the job. In the middle of the kitchen floor. I lost a job and gained a killer headache. FML

#21516384
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20918) - you deserved it (1365)

On 01/17/2016 at 8:48pm - kids - by kids shouldnt have hard sports equipment (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Mightytall's comment : I hope you went straight to hospital to get checked out and right after that to police and filed an assault charge. Being blacked out for any amount of time is a serious health issue and a concussion and headache would be the least of your worries. As harsh as it sounds, if the kid doesn't learn what consequences are, he is going to kill someone before he's a teen.

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Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

#21516257
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20522) - you deserved it (3240)

On 01/17/2016 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, whilst in church, my brother's Sunday school teacher asked him what he loved to drink, to which he replied, "Beer." We have no idea why he said that, and the church is still talking to my parents. FML

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

#21516189
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19118) - you deserved it (2054)

On 01/17/2016 at 8:59am - misc - by slightlyfamous - Canada (Quebec)

halcyon93's comment : Maybe you can go to your local library or somewhere else with free wifi and send it there? And yeah, your roommate doesn't sound like a very nice person. Even though it came with this unpleasant consequence, be glad you're shot of her (hopefully).

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Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man looked me straight in the eye and said: "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

#21516156
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18375) - you deserved it (9617)

On 01/17/2016 at 5:02am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

skippydoda's comment : Did you ask first before you pet? If you did, then FYL. If you didn't, then YDI. Always ask before you pet a stranger animal.

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Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

#21516140
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20954) - you deserved it (2475)

On 01/17/2016 at 3:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

#21516125
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24968) - you deserved it (1522)

On 01/17/2016 at 2:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

#21516058
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22376) - you deserved it (5052)

On 01/16/2016 at 10:28pm - love - by Roll Tide of Tears - United States

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

#21515990
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11423) - you deserved it (17839)

On 01/16/2016 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, as I was trying to get off a crowded train, some asshole pushed past me hard enough to nearly knock me over. My bag hit a preschool kid standing behind me, and I missed my stop trying to apologize to him. His mom yelled at me all the way to the next stop. FML

#21515864
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20082) - you deserved it (1285)

On 01/16/2016 at 10:00am - kids - by off-balance (woman) - Finland

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

#21515848
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21415) - you deserved it (7043)

On 01/16/2016 at 7:54am - love - by tye61 (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

#21515811
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19127) - you deserved it (7302)

On 01/16/2016 at 3:17am - health - by someone euthanize me -

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

#21515791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20895) - you deserved it (3617)

On 01/16/2016 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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