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Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

#21453385
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25625) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/08/2015 at 2:23am - love - by single (man) - United States (Texas)

ryannmichael's comment : Talk to your now ex about it and get a restraining order on your crazy ex.

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Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

#21453366
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22022) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/08/2015 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Amateur_Dank's comment : I would take the bitching just to watch someone farting their way into consciousness... these are the moments we live for

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Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

#21453336
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27804) - you deserved it (3078)

On 08/08/2015 at 12:02am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

KaylaRox1908's comment : Did he say he was a prince from Nigeria too?

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Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

#21453304
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23477) - you deserved it (9932)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

#21453297
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20144) - you deserved it (10117)

On 08/07/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by godzilllla - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

#21453243
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23112) - you deserved it (2079)

On 08/07/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by DietWater - United States (California)

Today, my sister offered me a couple doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML

#21453223
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21427) - you deserved it (1950)

On 08/07/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

#21453197
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (4228)

On 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by Gonzales (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

#21453154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27115) - you deserved it (1696)

On 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21031) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

#21453118
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21115) - you deserved it (4961)

On 08/07/2015 at 11:16am - work - by not telling you my name (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

#21453104
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24871) - you deserved it (3114)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:27am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

#21453093
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22892) - you deserved it (1901)

On 08/07/2015 at 9:49am - kids - by argfarblewarblearble (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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