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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML

#4925971
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31711) - you deserved it (39693)

On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

#4923649
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15804) - you deserved it (56209)

On 08/30/2009 at 3:12am - health - by tomchuq (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

#4922753
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8717) - you deserved it (58363)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41995) - you deserved it (8379)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML

#4921457
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34448) - you deserved it (2557)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Embarassed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't as all like I dreamed about; I dreamt that I wasn't allergic to latex. FML

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

#4914313
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50639) - you deserved it (3386)

On 08/29/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by deadmedia (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I came back from a two week vacation. As I walked in the door, my boyfriend greeted me with a "Hey, honey! Could you clean the crockpot?" It still had the chicken in it from my going away dinner. FML

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42381) - you deserved it (3374)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

#4912143
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13451) - you deserved it (40544)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:58pm - misc - by deven (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

#4911322
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25021) - you deserved it (48019)

On 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm - love - by zuper_duper (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my third day at work. The hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

#4909892
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38303) - you deserved it (4296)

On 08/29/2009 at 5:02pm - work - by newguy (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, the guy I've been dating tells me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML

#4909488
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45007) - you deserved it (5428)

On 08/29/2009 at 4:42pm - love - by Intheway (woman) - United States (Indiana)



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