Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall with a note saying "Sorry Dude". FML

#5655970
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11515) - you deserved it (37734)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12361) - you deserved it (35979)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

#5653425
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34250) - you deserved it (13290)

On 10/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by Anstice (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML

#5652102
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29008) - you deserved it (5701)

On 10/04/2009 at 10:19pm - animals - by FellingShitty (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

#5651689
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10317) - you deserved it (30115)

On 10/04/2009 at 10:01pm - love - by danskinnow (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

#5651382
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7975) - you deserved it (52098)

On 10/04/2009 at 9:47pm - work - by BadStuden (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

#5645915
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19388) - you deserved it (44713)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

#5645796
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37426) - you deserved it (3342)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by walker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML

#5644801
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32574) - you deserved it (12541)

On 10/04/2009 at 4:31pm - misc - by neverStopLaughin - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

#5643863
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43192) - you deserved it (3087)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Foufinator - Sent from mobile version

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

#5642401
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48376) - you deserved it (4198)

On 10/04/2009 at 2:13pm - misc - by CapeRanger (man) - South Africa (Limpopo)

Today, I was running late and realized I had locked my keys in my car. Frantic, I threw a rock through the drivers side window to retrieve them, just before noticing the passenger side door was unlocked. FML

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

#5640699
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36152) - you deserved it (3569)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by KmartFart - United States (North Carolina)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: