Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9334) - you deserved it (58792)
On 02/27/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by Fenny (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54489) - you deserved it (12528)
On 02/27/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore
Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39147) - you deserved it (11239)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:58am - love - by hellosaila (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14209) - you deserved it (39536)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (93) - you deserved it (7812)
On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55755) - you deserved it (6610)
On 02/26/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by lifesux17 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I put my hand into a vending machine to retrieve a bottle of water that was caught in the slot. After a minute, I realized I was trapped. 2 hours, 4 fire trucks, 3 police cars, and 1 ambulance later I was freed. The vending machine was in pieces and the bottle of water wasn't even for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37535) - you deserved it (9645)
On 02/26/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by VenderBender (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I'd be going on a trip to Europe. I assured him that I would never cheat on him with any european guys. He replied with, "Why would I be worried? You're not very pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54231) - you deserved it (4987)
On 02/26/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by bilol (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13003) - you deserved it (60647)
On 02/26/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by JessP (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14096) - you deserved it (43004)
On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I took the subway to school. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off too. He was blind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8540) - you deserved it (63378)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14875) - you deserved it (49615)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by FMluck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (205362) - you deserved it (44830)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 20 May 2013
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