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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14251) - you deserved it (72861)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

#13180631
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39343) - you deserved it (4414)

On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)

Today, after months of looking, my fiancé and I finally signed a lease. We are using my savings to pay for it. This apparently poses a "moral dilemma" for my in-laws who think we should wait to be married. I'm paying for an apartment I'm not allowed to live in. FML

#13179613
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26739) - you deserved it (6040)

On 09/24/2010 at 2:33am - money - by sauce - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

#13178719
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11932) - you deserved it (51167)

On 09/24/2010 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

TomasT's comment : You bought a necklace and engraved it... FOR A DATE? How needy are you? Geez.. desperation obviously has a price... the price of a necklace.

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Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

#13174458
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30620) - you deserved it (6489)

On 09/23/2010 at 8:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, after waiting all day to get into my favorite band's concert, I got front row. At the end, one of them grabbed my CD and got the whole band to sign it. The last band member tossed it into the crowd, nowhere near me. FML

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

#13173364
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28199) - you deserved it (2895)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:18pm - misc - by lalala_hahaha - Sent from mobile version

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

#13170649
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28771) - you deserved it (2359)

On 09/23/2010 at 3:02pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11988) - you deserved it (36215)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

#13168401
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6963) - you deserved it (59172)

On 09/23/2010 at 10:17am - misc - by idiotwithaface - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

#13167469
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35186) - you deserved it (3901)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:18am - love - by man2 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML

#13167367
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14130) - you deserved it (48589)

On 09/23/2010 at 7:01am - misc - by nackpattywhackgiveadogabone (woman) - United States (Arizona)

hipar's comment : How the fuck can't you recognize a puppy? Ydi, you bastard.

See all the comments →

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

#13167101
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32495) - you deserved it (2847)

On 09/23/2010 at 5:59am - misc - by annoyed - United States (California)



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