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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML

#13220648
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34862) - you deserved it (10305)

On 09/27/2010 at 9:17am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was robbed of five bucks by a vending machine that said "Enjoy Life!" FML

#13220613
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (3636)

On 09/27/2010 at 9:09am - misc - by lovelife - United States

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

#13220186
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18497) - you deserved it (28878)

On 09/27/2010 at 7:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

#13219092
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23036) - you deserved it (13214)

On 09/27/2010 at 3:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

#13218546
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24095) - you deserved it (7299)

On 09/27/2010 at 1:56am - misc - by stranded (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

#13217380
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17236) - you deserved it (32606)

On 09/27/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by youaresodumb - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

#13214179
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14224) - you deserved it (21862)

On 09/26/2010 at 8:50pm - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

#13213311
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (3934)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by amorousintx - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

#13213227
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34894) - you deserved it (2874)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

#13212563
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35551) - you deserved it (6343)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm - work - by lyssuhhhh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Freeze's comment : Free money.

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Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, the love of my life. Actually I ran into a billboard for her college, where apparently she is the new "poster girl" for their advertising campaign. I have now seen her on 2 billboards, a newspaper ad and a bus. FML

#13209934
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31840) - you deserved it (3263)

On 09/26/2010 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

#13206700
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28109) - you deserved it (10394)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:29am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I finally had the confidence to show my girlfriend my hairy chest/stomach. I'm very self conscious about it, and get embarrassed easily. She said I looked disgusting, called me Chewbacca and broke up with me on the spot. FML

#13206157
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46178) - you deserved it (6941)

On 09/26/2010 at 5:26am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)



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