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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11090) - you deserved it (30004)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

#6191622
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18016) - you deserved it (2046)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by iMarriedmymother (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

#6191568
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (6028)

On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

#6190811
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27584) - you deserved it (2062)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:36am - money - by Tipless (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

#6190781
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29643) - you deserved it (2411)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:34am - love - by achoooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

#6190643
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29756) - you deserved it (3294)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by bdayloser (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (4812)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

#6186259
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30033) - you deserved it (5435)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I'm a 19 year old college student in NYC, it's Friday night and I'm sitting alone on my bed in my dorm room, talking to my mother on facebook chat. Then she stopped responding. Turns out even my mother has better things to do on Friday night. FML

#6186219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26412) - you deserved it (5867)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

#6185780
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6894) - you deserved it (40188)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

#6185536
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24790) - you deserved it (9764)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:37pm - health - by jellybean (woman) - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

#6185222
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (5674)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:14pm - work - by CoffeeBoy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

#6184737
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30782) - you deserved it (2254)

On 11/06/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by imsad (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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