Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17945) - you deserved it (4275)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21699) - you deserved it (6338)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

#7232950
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20875) - you deserved it (5432)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:25am - intimacy - by ohdeargodthatswrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got on a treadmill for the first time. I was running at a very high speed. I needed a break but didn't know how to get off. I decided to just let the machine take me to the edge so I could get off. I was thrown off the treadmill and landed with my happy sacks crashing into a dumbbell. FML

#7231973
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6747) - you deserved it (36641)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:17am - health - by King7 (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

#7231970
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9610) - you deserved it (29470)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:14am - work - by Harry (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

#7231938
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12314) - you deserved it (30608)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by Face (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

#7231229
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44903) - you deserved it (3017)

On 01/09/2010 at 3:40am - misc - by Fran (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved his flaming red hair. He told me that he loved the fuzz on my butt. FML

#7231026
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25917) - you deserved it (6767)

On 01/09/2010 at 3:16am - misc - by Snowin2007 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

#7229680
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22642) - you deserved it (5396)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:45am - misc - by warningxxLidell (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

#7229610
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8827) - you deserved it (24764)

On 01/09/2010 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pervert (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

#7228897
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9750) - you deserved it (38182)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

lettertjes's comment : That's what you get when you fish for compliments.

See all the comments →

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I looked skinny in my shorts. She jiggled my leg fat, looked up at me and walked away. FML

#7228491
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12094) - you deserved it (22820)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:36am - health - by Ashy104 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

#7227808
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10498) - you deserved it (38406)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by squirrel (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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