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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

#8434762
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22454) - you deserved it (3279)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:41am - intimacy - by Brett meek - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

#8434692
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32724) - you deserved it (2310)

On 02/19/2010 at 2:38am - animals - by somuchforthat (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27895) - you deserved it (3344)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

#8433301
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23592) - you deserved it (3862)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by kaitlin - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML

#8432968
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28339) - you deserved it (4744)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:18am - misc - by grrrrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

#8430991
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16695) - you deserved it (6479)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23893) - you deserved it (19419)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

#8430182
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6042) - you deserved it (27044)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Skankeriffic (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20334) - you deserved it (3977)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I noticed my house smells a lot like my grandma's. Not because we use the same cleaning products or anything like that, but because I'm slowly turning into a crazy cat lady. FML

#8420953
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7428) - you deserved it (20830)

On 02/18/2010 at 9:20pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

#8417763
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5186) - you deserved it (62112)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

#8416746
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you deserved it (2397)

On 02/18/2010 at 7:44pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

#8410028
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32735) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by fannylover (woman) - United States (New York)



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