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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML

#8658906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26945) - you deserved it (7953)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:13am - animals - by aaalias34 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

#8658890
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11401) - you deserved it (39600)

On 02/26/2010 at 6:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

#8658648
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56162) - you deserved it (2972)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:23am - love - by pain (woman) - Japan

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

#8658617
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19520) - you deserved it (3643)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:21am - intimacy - by humiliated - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

#8658331
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11999) - you deserved it (21617)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:10am - misc - by princess4242 (woman) - India (Delhi)

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

#8658326
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22368) - you deserved it (6240)

On 02/26/2010 at 4:09am - misc - by ilovecowboys (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

#8658018
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23055) - you deserved it (5635)

On 02/26/2010 at 3:30am - misc - by UnfortunateGirly (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a friend of mine sent me a message saying, "Man, I am so sorry but we were both really drunk and I swear it didn't mean anything." FML

#8654882
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (3799)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:07am - misc - by single now - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

#8654790
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28860) - you deserved it (1583)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:04am - money - by Julia - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

#8654763
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27249) - you deserved it (1900)

On 02/26/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by cmendez - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

#8653612
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17240) - you deserved it (3653)

On 02/25/2010 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by Katrina641 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML

#8651104
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (3290)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:05pm - love - by ifaisal - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

#8646489
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12198) - you deserved it (41159)

On 02/25/2010 at 7:33pm - love - by MUemma (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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