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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

#6276981
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31891) - you deserved it (7985)

On 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

#6274623
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31280) - you deserved it (2101)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:40pm - work - by JBK06262009 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

#6274583
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26547) - you deserved it (3945)

On 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work - by Falafax (man) - United States

Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML

#6273710
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30207) - you deserved it (8639)

On 11/12/2009 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

#6273079
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39151) - you deserved it (2779)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:39pm - love - by LonelyMonkey (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

#6271933
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21630) - you deserved it (9429)

On 11/12/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Sursion (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

#6270812
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37662) - you deserved it (2670)

On 11/12/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by missmycomp (man) - Singapore

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

#6270063
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7556) - you deserved it (44570)

On 11/12/2009 at 6:17am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML

#6269978
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25547) - you deserved it (4790)

On 11/12/2009 at 6:00am - misc - by helluvasinger (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

#6268890
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38744) - you deserved it (4025)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by Teaching (man) - United States (California)

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

#6268866
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25007) - you deserved it (2809)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work - by FML (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

#6268851
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32765) - you deserved it (5393)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love - by neuroticallyours (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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