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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML

#9211500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27323) - you deserved it (21095)

On 03/19/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wakefield)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18300) - you deserved it (22987)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

#9186653
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41744) - you deserved it (3574)

On 03/18/2010 at 12:48pm - love - by YouAREthefather (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

#9183586
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31935) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/18/2010 at 9:49am - love - by anon17 - United States

Today, I was trying to change my PIN code in order to make my phone more secure and prevent people from getting information from it. Instead, I somehow ended up locking my phone permanently. FML

#9183283
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11743) - you deserved it (28911)

On 03/18/2010 at 9:30am - misc - by ihateyouatt (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

#9182520
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (4558)

On 03/18/2010 at 8:20am - money - by Anna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

#9181946
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23149) - you deserved it (3862)

On 03/18/2010 at 7:15am - work - by son (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14221) - you deserved it (33403)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

#9181615
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20400) - you deserved it (3849)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:24am - intimacy - by burgeee - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

#9180721
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11175) - you deserved it (46066)

On 03/18/2010 at 4:21am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

#9179900
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29911) - you deserved it (4016)

On 03/18/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

#9178637
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31454) - you deserved it (3516)

On 03/18/2010 at 1:45am - work - by xUnluckyx - Canada (Alberta)



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