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Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML

#6066504
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30779) - you deserved it (7091)

On 10/30/2009 at 2:02am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

#6065931
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6314) - you deserved it (47273)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by skyhawk13 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

#6065888
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33420) - you deserved it (1791)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by seriousdubsteplover (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while I was on a second date with this guy, my roommate tried calling me and I ignored her. After dinner my date brought me back to my apartment and there was a waterfall gushing down from the balcony above our apartment. The guys above us had started a fire and our apartment was flooded. FML

#6065412
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23990) - you deserved it (5938)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by effinit (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I discovered that just because I get unwanted erections on an hourly basis throughout the day, it doesn't mean that I can get required erections in the night. FML

#6065212
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18010) - you deserved it (2088)

On 10/30/2009 at 12:17am - intimacy - by frustrated (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at work one of my co-worker was oddly nice to me; and my boss, who usually always says hi to me, didn't look or speak to me. Later that day I found out that I was going to be fired, not because my boss told me but because my picture was missing from the wall of employees. FML

#6064494
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25223) - you deserved it (1617)

On 10/29/2009 at 11:35pm - work - by SM (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

#6062810
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39004) - you deserved it (3389)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:00pm - misc - by Bummer - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

#6061136
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22749) - you deserved it (6977)

On 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm - misc - by BaconBreathBlonde (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to stay after school to make up for a test. When I got outside, I saw my mom wasn't there to pick me up. I called her and she explained that there was an emergency. I walked six miles home to see that the emergency was that Ellen had Taylor Swift today and she couldn't miss it. FML

#6060393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27675) - you deserved it (2422)

On 10/29/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML

#6060291
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41897) - you deserved it (2420)

On 10/29/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by Allie (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was driving to work. I saw a cute boy in the car next to me. To try and look cool, I pretended I was talking on my cell phone. I got pulled over and got a ticket for using my cell phone while driving. FML

#6057828
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5578) - you deserved it (62345)

On 10/29/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

#6057251
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (2405)

On 10/29/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

#6056189
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5801) - you deserved it (38011)

On 10/29/2009 at 3:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)



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