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Man or woman?

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (2053)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

#5876012
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15358) - you deserved it (32477)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:30am - misc - by cheat - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17334) - you deserved it (2922)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML

#5875952
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7100) - you deserved it (19808)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Delaware)

Today, I went to my company's HR manager to ask what the procedure was to file a sexual harassment complaint since my boss exposed himself to me. His response was that the procedure is to "get over it." And he went back to reading. FML

#5875946
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40509) - you deserved it (3903)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by dyingtinkerbell (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

#5875865
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35170) - you deserved it (6820)

On 10/18/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realised that the last three people to see my intimate parts these last weeks were my beautician, my doctor and the lady who did my check up ultra sound. Oh, and I'm married. FML

#5875725
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28134) - you deserved it (5046)

On 10/18/2009 at 6:30am - love - by loveless - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

#5875643
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30160) - you deserved it (4902)

On 10/18/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by Anonwymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

#5875501
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35923) - you deserved it (2083)

On 10/18/2009 at 5:28am - health - by nimrod23 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late - he said 'Oh, something came up'. I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

#5874542
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (1873)

On 10/18/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by karina17 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

#5873619
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39117) - you deserved it (1853)

On 10/18/2009 at 12:06am - work - by booste (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's idea of "washing her feet" is sticking her foot in the toilet and flushing. FML

#5872159
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42268) - you deserved it (3256)

On 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm - love - by userrrrr - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a happy meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML

#5870216
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32145) - you deserved it (3504)

On 10/17/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by paris78 - Canada (Ontario)



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