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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

#8238239
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27395) - you deserved it (4287)

On 02/14/2010 at 3:42am - love - by dzisfml - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

#8232410
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38780) - you deserved it (2094)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:49am - kids - by disneyworld (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

#8230374
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23472) - you deserved it (2189)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:07am - work - by mallcop - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML

#8230372
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27516) - you deserved it (2951)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:07am - health - by dogbait - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

#8230215
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22298) - you deserved it (3089)

On 02/14/2010 at 12:03am - love - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

#8223058
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26452) - you deserved it (9248)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm - love - by AnnaNick (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

#8220919
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7511) - you deserved it (31513)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with a hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we get out of my car, she starts sprinting to get out of the rain. I run to catch up and slip on a metal plate, and do a reverse superman onto my ass. FML

#8220322
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19211) - you deserved it (5031)

On 02/13/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by Decker (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

#8219030
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20897) - you deserved it (6126)

On 02/13/2010 at 7:29pm - work - by firedofbirthday - Sent from mobile version

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

#8210549
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29792) - you deserved it (5297)

On 02/13/2010 at 3:11pm - kids - by owwie - United States

Today, I got back from my daughter's flat in Scotland. I got a flight there yesterday morning to surprise her on her 21st birthday. Nobody told her I was coming. When I got there, it turned out she decided to get a plane to London to surprise me. £200 on flights, and I didn't even get to see her. FML

#8207424
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24290) - you deserved it (4429)

On 02/13/2010 at 1:39pm - kids - by gordy1220 (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

#8205251
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19216) - you deserved it (7435)

On 02/13/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by ositsranielle - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39398) - you deserved it (3463)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States



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