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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

#7212033
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34710) - you deserved it (2930)

On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

#7211389
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28188) - you deserved it (3611)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:30am - misc - by snickerdoodles - Sent from mobile version

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

#7211285
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20217) - you deserved it (5376)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by iamshrimpy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

#7210467
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8538) - you deserved it (27078)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML

#7209759
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8807) - you deserved it (22003)

On 01/08/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by weeble_wobbles09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

#7207594
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27516) - you deserved it (5694)

On 01/07/2010 at 10:30pm - love - by DDubs (man) - United Kingdom

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

#7204414
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21818) - you deserved it (4565)

On 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by oopsies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

#7203649
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27480) - you deserved it (3608)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm - misc - by James4929 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

#7203550
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31458) - you deserved it (1710)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Darkness162000 - France

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

#7203534
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16694) - you deserved it (6158)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by SlappyMcGee (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

#7201019
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5423) - you deserved it (39464)

On 01/07/2010 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

#7199308
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23603) - you deserved it (9476)

On 01/07/2010 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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