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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, it's my Nana's birthday and to say she is having a good time is an understatement. She's so drunk, she took out her false teeth tried to put them in her dog's mouth. When she failed, she tried the cat's. FML

#11166958
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30587) - you deserved it (3811)

On 06/13/2010 at 10:36am - misc - by Cat (woman) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

#11166091
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7959) - you deserved it (44681)

On 06/13/2010 at 9:16am - misc - by jonjon (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

#11164761
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32373) - you deserved it (2885)

On 06/13/2010 at 5:56am - animals - by spenmy - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

#11163519
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37414) - you deserved it (3331)

On 06/13/2010 at 3:48am - love - by Yup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

#11151626
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10044) - you deserved it (57748)

On 06/12/2010 at 6:13pm - health - by bobby - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

#11148383
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34980) - you deserved it (7680)

On 06/12/2010 at 2:55pm - kids - by kingwalrus - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

#11131141
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31521) - you deserved it (12775)

On 06/11/2010 at 7:00pm - misc - by justgreatgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my kitten decided that having diarrhea was not a good enough reason to stop running in circles around my living room. FML

#11123342
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35840) - you deserved it (3896)

On 06/11/2010 at 10:33am - health - by MegahnDN - United States

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

#11117532
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52766) - you deserved it (21321)

On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

#11111501
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49137) - you deserved it (3626)

On 06/10/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by dominator152 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

#11105800
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48127) - you deserved it (4308)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:59pm - misc - by Collin - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into work to see my boss's hot son. I wanted him to notice me, so I did my "sexy walk". I then slipped and fell onto my desk, broke my desk, and sprained my wrist. Oh he noticed me alright. FML

#11105211
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14572) - you deserved it (46631)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

#11102000
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40388) - you deserved it (4128)

On 06/10/2010 at 12:07pm - health - by Aciliveth (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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