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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

#5764278
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32440) - you deserved it (7997)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:30pm - kids - by Jer (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26459) - you deserved it (2196)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

#5762381
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8085) - you deserved it (41600)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

#5762164
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32870) - you deserved it (18821)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by perfectmoment - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27343) - you deserved it (5345)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

#5761626
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9500) - you deserved it (39543)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

#5760830
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10148) - you deserved it (54926)

On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

#5759678
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14957) - you deserved it (45238)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:22pm - misc - by sostupid - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I rear-ended a car on the parkway. We pulled over, the guy told me his car was fine, and then asked me out on a date. It was only when I replied "no" that he decided he wanted his car fixed. FML

#5759599
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27259) - you deserved it (17016)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

#5759399
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35497) - you deserved it (5235)

On 10/10/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by kissless (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I took a girl out I've been seeing for two months on our first real date. I had saved all my money for the week for this. I took her to a beautiful restaurant uptown. She got hammered, hit me and screamed that I would never be as good as "Marshall." FML

#5758524
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38679) - you deserved it (2828)

On 10/10/2009 at 2:06pm - love - by pistonsunshine (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML

#5758309
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32079) - you deserved it (2446)

On 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

#5757165
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7064) - you deserved it (65055)

On 10/10/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by horniness (man) - Hong Kong



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