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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

#6316031
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59038) - you deserved it (3607)

On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

#6315427
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9681) - you deserved it (33072)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

#6315391
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28373) - you deserved it (2235)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Smashed (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

#6313806
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (4960)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm - money - by notip (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

#6313521
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27163) - you deserved it (1660)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by theropod (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up with a bloody nose and my lamp next to me in bed. Apparently I grabbed the cord of the lamp and yanked while I was sleeping, and it fell on my face. The worst part? My boyfriend saw it was going to happen, but didn't stop me because he thought it would be funny to "see my reaction." FML

#6313431
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25132) - you deserved it (2914)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by oww - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

#6312971
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7277) - you deserved it (37947)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by firefliiez (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

#6312781
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10955) - you deserved it (19964)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by loldick (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

#6312385
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26044) - you deserved it (5142)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Ugh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

#6312169
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4627) - you deserved it (64194)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Klepto (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I wasn't feeling too well. I decided to bring my laptop with me to the bathroom, because I figured I would be in there for a while. Things were going great, until I felt a burp coming. Next thing I know, my computer is covered with puke. FML

#6311289
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9868) - you deserved it (34201)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

#6310965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34031) - you deserved it (3467)

On 11/15/2009 at 9:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

#6310101
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20469) - you deserved it (10994)

On 11/15/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by shiiiiit (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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