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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was pretending to be a monkey for a "documentary". The branch snapped and I fell out of the tree and onto a car roof. It was after school, I fell onto the dean's BMW. The video was on facebook before I regained consciousness. FML

#5737700
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25654) - you deserved it (9345)

On 10/09/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up in the hallway. I took a sleeping pill the night before to get a good sleep in for work, but it turns out it was too strong. I got dizzy and passed out on my way to my bed, fell in the hall and chipped my two front teeth, and slept there - straight through work the next day. FML

#5737045
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22695) - you deserved it (5193)

On 10/09/2009 at 8:29am - health - by StillDrowsy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

#5736193
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24611) - you deserved it (9381)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:46am - misc - by two-hours-to-pick-up (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to the mall to pick up the 1 carat diamond my husband recently purchased for me after 6 years of being together. My mom called, I answered my cell. Later, I realized that the baggie with the diamond was no longer in my pocket. It fell out when I answered my phone. FML

Today, I was stuck in traffic on the highway and decided it was the perfect time to pick a humongous booger out of my nose. While carefully examing and admiring it, I failed to notice that the owner of my company was staring at me from the left lane in complete and utter revulsion. FML

#5735299
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6714) - you deserved it (42178)

On 10/09/2009 at 3:09am - work - by whitedevil (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

#5735053
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19577) - you deserved it (3311)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by 310 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

#5735041
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5932) - you deserved it (75085)

On 10/09/2009 at 2:41am - love - by oliviakelly25 (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

#5734528
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6730) - you deserved it (34319)

On 10/09/2009 at 1:48am - work - by y0uw1shy0ukn3wm3 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

#5733211
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36158) - you deserved it (3247)

On 10/09/2009 at 12:22am - love - by rhythmbandit (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

#5732047
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27113) - you deserved it (5767)

On 10/08/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by StellaSanguina (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

#5731008
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35798) - you deserved it (3132)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Augh. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had my final divorce proceeding. The judge denied my divorce because my husband is unemployed. I can't get a divorce until he gets a job to pay child support. He hasn't had a job for 3 years. FML

#5730888
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37725) - you deserved it (3261)

On 10/08/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by branwen5 - United States

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40225) - you deserved it (2879)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom



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