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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

#10761245
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20758) - you deserved it (36508)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

#10760568
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58649) - you deserved it (3678)

On 05/25/2010 at 7:06pm - love - by DHarman (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

#10756471
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26588) - you deserved it (7022)

On 05/25/2010 at 3:08pm - misc - by AdamFoundHisEve - Sent from mobile version

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

#10752650
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14047) - you deserved it (32734)

On 05/25/2010 at 8:32am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home on leave after a seven month deployment in the middle of the ocean for the Navy. My entire region got hit by the worst flood in recorded history. I need a speedboat to go to the Quick-e-mart. FML

#10751307
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (2442)

On 05/25/2010 at 5:29am - work - by Jimbo (man) - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

#10750179
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26468) - you deserved it (4145)

On 05/25/2010 at 2:54am - love - by Ouchhh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18843) - you deserved it (54039)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

#10748439
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26671) - you deserved it (3914)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:55am - misc - by alyssac11 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

#10748228
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26397) - you deserved it (3219)

On 05/25/2010 at 12:44am - misc - by Laptop - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

#10733987
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32189) - you deserved it (18439)

On 05/24/2010 at 1:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

#10733187
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24813) - you deserved it (6258)

On 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm - health - by Dandruff - Sent from mobile version

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

#10732441
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35895) - you deserved it (4792)

On 05/24/2010 at 11:14am - intimacy - by weirdedout (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

#10727772
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32650) - you deserved it (7246)

On 05/24/2010 at 2:13am - love - by gedderdunn - Reserved



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