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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

#6193403
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19777) - you deserved it (4496)

On 11/07/2009 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Blondegirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got a date with one of the hottest girls in school, a perfect 10. Just before I go to pick her up to go to the movies, I call her to find out where she lives. She answers the phone only to hear my father yelling in the background, "stop talking to that whore." FML

#6193118
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34936) - you deserved it (4473)

On 11/07/2009 at 6:58am - love - by PISSED (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML

#6192797
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36325) - you deserved it (15120)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22am - misc - by badwife (woman) - Japan

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

#6192333
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20626) - you deserved it (8696)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:47am - intimacy - by forewhatnow (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

visage's comment : how the hell do you know what good is? just be happy someone spent the money to feed your dumb ass, and spent the time to fuck you.

See all the comments →

Today, my mom came up to the school to give me some money and a few water bottles for my friends and me for soccer practice. Before she left, I said "bye", then I realized my 2-year-old brother waving bye to me. So I bent down through the window to kiss him. As I did, my mom moved the car. It still hurts. FML

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

#6192085
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31213) - you deserved it (4278)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:12am - health - by chairlee (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

#6192023
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26681) - you deserved it (9467)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10672) - you deserved it (29361)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

#6191622
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17914) - you deserved it (2038)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by iMarriedmymother (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

#6191568
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31734) - you deserved it (6018)

On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was working as a Valet driver. After getting no customers for 5 hours in the pouring rain, a woman driving by stops and asks me for directions. Before leaving, she said, "I should probably tip you for that, since that's probably the only money you'd get all night." She didn't. FML

#6190811
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27486) - you deserved it (2055)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:36am - money - by Tipless (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

#6190781
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29539) - you deserved it (2407)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:34am - love - by achoooo (man) - United States (New York)



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