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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

#11944390
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16260) - you deserved it (58063)

On 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm - intimacy - by reckless (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

#11943305
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14859) - you deserved it (53387)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:23pm - misc - by knighton16 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was outside when a mouse ran toward my feet. There was a wall behind me, so I tried to jump over him. He changed course, and I landed on him. It crunched. FML

#11940720
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32580) - you deserved it (7382)

On 07/17/2010 at 10:54am - misc - by killer (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

#11935766
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23900) - you deserved it (44885)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

#11935360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27693) - you deserved it (5148)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:00am - animals - by VtecKickIn (man) - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

#11927489
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38062) - you deserved it (3173)

On 07/16/2010 at 7:48pm - work - by MSURebel70 (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I learned that my mom's laptop was originally my Christmas gift. She opened it and decided she liked it so much she should have it. I got hot rollers. FML

#11927382
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33160) - you deserved it (2297)

On 07/16/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

#11923673
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34526) - you deserved it (17314)

On 07/16/2010 at 3:45pm - misc - by liz - United States (California)

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

#11923492
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33902) - you deserved it (5970)

On 07/16/2010 at 3:38pm - misc - by apple (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

#11911406
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21943) - you deserved it (45873)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

#11911346
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29301) - you deserved it (3259)

On 07/16/2010 at 12:17am - health - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

#11907332
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35139) - you deserved it (4643)

On 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by knock_out (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

#11906376
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20216) - you deserved it (25740)

On 07/15/2010 at 8:17pm - misc - by darthinvader (man) - United States (Florida)



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