Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42821) - you deserved it (20287)
On 04/06/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46769) - you deserved it (127841)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276350) - you deserved it (23305)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch. As I was parking, one of their cell phones accidentally called mine. As I walked to the restaurant, I listened in as some of my best friends discussed all the things they hate about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71484) - you deserved it (3396)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53634) - you deserved it (4252)
On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13323) - you deserved it (109439)
On 04/06/2009 at 10:42am - money - by brhorton02 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59916) - you deserved it (3328)
On 04/06/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by BrilsmurfO_O (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45305) - you deserved it (12136)
On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22159) - you deserved it (37674)
On 04/06/2009 at 7:47am - kids - by trashcanned (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17520) - you deserved it (46777)
On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43156) - you deserved it (7095)
On 04/06/2009 at 4:40am - work - by starrybrooke (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56263) - you deserved it (7276)
On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57247) - you deserved it (10056)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
↑ Ender_'s comment : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Best pickup line ever.
See all the comments →