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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML

#6367278
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31329) - you deserved it (2716)

On 11/19/2009 at 10:53am - health - by nolips (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML

#6366811
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30293) - you deserved it (3885)

On 11/19/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by maxus - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

#6366534
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34913) - you deserved it (3285)

On 11/19/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

#6365565
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26832) - you deserved it (3055)

On 11/19/2009 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was laughing at a story of a girl who had dropped her cellphone in a hottub and ruined it. As I was feeling pretty good about myself, I then realized that my cellphone was in the pocket of a sweater that I had just thrown in the washer 20 minutes prior. FML

#6365163
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5796) - you deserved it (41548)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:36am - misc - by Cellphonetroubles - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I decided to begin jogging since my weight was getting a little out of control and I wanted to do something about it. Guess who tripped on a root and broke their ankle? Yeah. Exactly. FML

#6365107
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26389) - you deserved it (4899)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:33am - health - by SeeTony (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7428) - you deserved it (25717)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

#6364461
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7344) - you deserved it (33700)

On 11/19/2009 at 1:10am - kids - by fail (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24889) - you deserved it (2159)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad came home from Vegas. Today, my college savings account is down by $64,000. FML

#6362142
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39316) - you deserved it (2732)

On 11/18/2009 at 10:31pm - misc - by screwed - United States (New York)

Today, I have to go to the dentist to get a tooth capped. Why? Because my room mate knows I sleepwalk and thought it would be funny to put a trip wire across the top of the stairs. It worked. FML

#6359695
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28755) - you deserved it (2077)

On 11/18/2009 at 8:30pm - health - by CB (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML

#6358488
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30191) - you deserved it (4187)

On 11/18/2009 at 7:19pm - health - by ohmigodimchokin (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

#6357230
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7550) - you deserved it (36637)

On 11/18/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by ggbhghggg - United States (Missouri)



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