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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

#6631791
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27843) - you deserved it (3547)

On 12/06/2009 at 9:03am - health - by lol (woman) - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

#6630317
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31243) - you deserved it (2702)

On 12/06/2009 at 4:16am - health - by wormsick (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

#6629569
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32349) - you deserved it (2768)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by virginmary (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

#6629276
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7296) - you deserved it (28413)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:43am - money - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

#6629072
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9216) - you deserved it (27762)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by Delicious (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

#6626957
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (6398)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:25am - love - by barfyshirt (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

#6626630
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22244) - you deserved it (4460)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by musiclover (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML

#6625843
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24143) - you deserved it (8683)

On 12/05/2009 at 11:30pm - animals - by JC (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

#6624561
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13755) - you deserved it (32962)

On 12/05/2009 at 10:37pm - health - by soupduped (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

#6622206
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22782) - you deserved it (5717)

On 12/05/2009 at 8:24pm - work - by bleeding (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

#6620817
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30327) - you deserved it (2779)

On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

#6619403
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28737) - you deserved it (3549)

On 12/05/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by paula434 (woman) - United States (New York)



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