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Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

#6636501
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34497) - you deserved it (2867)

On 12/06/2009 at 5:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

#6635616
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23644) - you deserved it (9532)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

#6635379
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24270) - you deserved it (16522)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at the costume rental shop I work at, when I saw a kid trying to walk out the door wearing what appeared to be one of our fake monster claws, so I chased him down and grabbed it. It wasn't. It was his prosthetic hand. FML

#6634050
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13744) - you deserved it (31178)

On 12/06/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by lolfayce (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML

#6633448
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32533) - you deserved it (11950)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:34pm - kids - by Sadface (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

#6632044
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9346) - you deserved it (23927)

On 12/06/2009 at 9:58am - misc - by Wrongdoor (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

#6631791
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27841) - you deserved it (3547)

On 12/06/2009 at 9:03am - health - by lol (woman) - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

#6630317
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31243) - you deserved it (2702)

On 12/06/2009 at 4:16am - health - by wormsick (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

#6629569
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32349) - you deserved it (2768)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by virginmary (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

#6629276
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7296) - you deserved it (28411)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:43am - money - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

#6629072
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9216) - you deserved it (27761)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by Delicious (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

#6626957
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (6398)

On 12/06/2009 at 12:25am - love - by barfyshirt (woman) - United States (California)



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