Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18019) - you deserved it (73415)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21974) - you deserved it (33451)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48409) - you deserved it (4933)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:02pm - love - by T-Pain (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65013) - you deserved it (5593)
On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36199) - you deserved it (6415)
Today, I was at a party. The girl I'm madly in love with referred to me as her 'Gay Friend.' She refused to kiss me in Spin-the-Bottle as 'She didn't want to do anything with anyone that night'. She then made out, and slept with, my 'best friend' whom she had never met before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64473) - you deserved it (4496)
On 04/22/2009 at 9:50am - love - by Bo (man) - United Kingdom (Wigan)
Today, I was running the 100m sprint in a track meet. Me and another girl were tied for dead last. When we finished, she complained, "It's so embarrassing how slow I am today. I have shin splints. What happened to you?" I was actually running my hardest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42328) - you deserved it (5242)
On 04/22/2009 at 9:20am - misc - by slowrunner (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was eating a hamburger on the street when a pigeon came down to take a bite. I ran and got 30 birds or so chasing me. My legs were burning, half of my burger was gone, and an entire office building was laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45114) - you deserved it (6678)
On 04/22/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by fencernick (man) - United States (New York)
Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42185) - you deserved it (6280)
On 04/22/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by DonMare (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17681) - you deserved it (32121)
On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68771) - you deserved it (3901)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by RockedSystem - United States (Alabama)
Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53530) - you deserved it (5553)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:24am - misc - by 11321 (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got a call from the Hollister manager yelling at me for not showing up for work that night. I was never informed I got the job. I missed my first day of work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54275) - you deserved it (3886)
On 04/22/2009 at 1:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Monday 17 June 2013
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