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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

#6389255
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42740) - you deserved it (3454)

On 11/21/2009 at 6:40am - animals - by AussieGirl (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

#6388280
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30216) - you deserved it (4997)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:28am - love - by SeeBrendenBurn (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

#6388093
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39785) - you deserved it (2399)

On 11/21/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

#6387420
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39234) - you deserved it (2473)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:59am - love - by Fail (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

#6386957
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27371) - you deserved it (2208)

On 11/21/2009 at 12:03am - work - by beckbm23 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

#6386124
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9204) - you deserved it (36414)

On 11/20/2009 at 10:59pm - work - by Masonlee89 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my jeep wouldn't start so I opened the hood. I slammed my fingers in my jeep's hood. It latched shut. My hood release was inside the cab, and the jeep was in neutral and on an incline. It started to roll... with a ditch about 5 yards away. I had to skin my own fingers to get them out. FML

#6383914
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41025) - you deserved it (7460)

On 11/20/2009 at 8:28pm - misc - by FoundMyLighter (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly in it. FML

#6383461
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5489) - you deserved it (24807)

On 11/20/2009 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Ellen - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29773) - you deserved it (2638)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

#6381623
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (3337)

On 11/20/2009 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

#6379949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26807) - you deserved it (3405)

On 11/20/2009 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Inkabadger (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

#6379842
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10589) - you deserved it (31695)

On 11/20/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by pchis4ever (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML

#6379365
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29270) - you deserved it (4447)

On 11/20/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by NotInMiddleSchool (woman) - United States (Connecticut)



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