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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, like all days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice; but today he decided to bring this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family 'brave' enough to go fetch our cat's gift. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML

#8309732
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23463) - you deserved it (2649)

On 02/15/2010 at 7:08pm - animals - by Mary (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

#8300891
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (3455)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:58pm - love - by ShayisPay101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was bored at work, so I started doodling a big muscly arm on my notepad, including bulging veins. After I returned from lunch, my boss called me into his office. Apparently the mail clerk saw and was offended. I was asked to explain why I was drawing a person's 'private area'. FML

#8300405
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19455) - you deserved it (6850)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

#8300373
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21797) - you deserved it (3704)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by skatergrrrl (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML

#8299484
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32983) - you deserved it (2721)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:08pm - love - by thirdwheel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

#8297602
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23060) - you deserved it (2320)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:02pm - money - by Ambar - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

#8294637
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35871) - you deserved it (7294)

On 02/15/2010 at 10:21am - love - by Ashlee - United States

Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

#8293432
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13539) - you deserved it (29841)

On 02/15/2010 at 9:29am - work - by Dumbdumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

#8293318
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19166) - you deserved it (4095)

On 02/15/2010 at 9:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML

#8292410
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18487) - you deserved it (4247)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:35am - misc - by Floof (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

#8292337
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32095) - you deserved it (4004)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

#8290111
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18458) - you deserved it (1989)

On 02/15/2010 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

#8287074
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9315) - you deserved it (28190)

On 02/15/2010 at 2:44am - health - by kiriakousauce21 - Sent from mobile version



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