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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

#13971159
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31095) - you deserved it (8044)

On 11/25/2010 at 3:36am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

#13970714
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41027) - you deserved it (4268)

On 11/25/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by wow (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

#13968258
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29758) - you deserved it (6555)

On 11/24/2010 at 10:52pm - misc - by cartrouble (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

#13967248
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34559) - you deserved it (5828)

On 11/24/2010 at 9:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, on my first day of work, my new boss treated me to lunch. Thinking she was really nice, I thanked her for the treat. She fixed me with a cold, unsmiling stare and said, "Oh, don't thank me. I'm being paid to do this." FML

#13967011
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26911) - you deserved it (2578)

On 11/24/2010 at 9:32pm - work - by niceboss (woman) - Singapore

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

#13963928
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40123) - you deserved it (5251)

On 11/24/2010 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML

#13962555
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38170) - you deserved it (3014)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years. I took the whole day to cook a nice meal, and stuck the ring in a cookie that I was going to give to her. In the middle of the dinner I was holding the cookie under the table, about to give it to her. My dog ate it. FML

#13962286
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38671) - you deserved it (14154)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:06pm - love - by ryansmithho (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

#13961788
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36205) - you deserved it (11639)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Heyy - United States (Washington)

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

#13961527
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26868) - you deserved it (2416)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

#13961459
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41710) - you deserved it (4801)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by notgettingany (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

#13961412
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28932) - you deserved it (10326)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brabant)

DocBastard's comment : "MOM! Your new lipstick tastes funny!"

See all the comments →



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