Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML

#13975253
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34199) - you deserved it (3028)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:33pm - misc - by blenderbookf (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27792) - you deserved it (7374)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

#13974897
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36439) - you deserved it (23355)

On 11/25/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

#13972992
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36763) - you deserved it (4134)

On 11/25/2010 at 9:48am - animals - by Seline -

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

#13972556
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37702) - you deserved it (7728)

On 11/25/2010 at 8:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

#13972455
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27379) - you deserved it (3761)

On 11/25/2010 at 8:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

#13972453
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36108) - you deserved it (2453)

On 11/25/2010 at 8:28am - misc - by Tom -

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

#13971755
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31087) - you deserved it (2708)

On 11/25/2010 at 5:25am - work - by Peter -

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

#13971159
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31095) - you deserved it (8044)

On 11/25/2010 at 3:36am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I learned that I wasn't really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

#13970714
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41027) - you deserved it (4268)

On 11/25/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by wow (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

#13968258
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29758) - you deserved it (6555)

On 11/24/2010 at 10:52pm - misc - by cartrouble (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML

#13967248
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34559) - you deserved it (5827)

On 11/24/2010 at 9:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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