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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML

#12305756
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41531) - you deserved it (10800)

On 08/04/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Embarressed... (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

#12305755
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41851) - you deserved it (7367)

On 08/04/2010 at 6:24am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

#12304644
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30888) - you deserved it (8500)

On 08/04/2010 at 4:28am - work - by Ploeboi (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she "likes my lips and wants to rape me." FML

#12304319
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41613) - you deserved it (3939)

On 08/04/2010 at 3:58am - intimacy - by IllJustGetYouASweaterThen (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

#12301472
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43160) - you deserved it (3646)

On 08/04/2010 at 1:18am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

#12300042
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53748) - you deserved it (8706)

On 08/04/2010 at 12:20am - love - by Alisha Marie - United States (New York)

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

#12296527
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33967) - you deserved it (3802)

On 08/03/2010 at 9:44pm - misc - by jkin47 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

#12296096
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6890) - you deserved it (51695)

On 08/03/2010 at 9:19pm - misc - by bitch (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

#12294723
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11855) - you deserved it (137373)

On 08/03/2010 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Emily (woman) - United States (Kansas)

chocolateybar's comment : uh. well done. i suppose now, you can give a speech about how awesome you know the groom will be in bed with your best friend! you're the bestest best friend in the whooole world~

See all the comments →

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

#12293464
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34201) - you deserved it (7078)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:37pm - misc - by fatty - United States (New York)

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

#12288946
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34894) - you deserved it (3837)

On 08/03/2010 at 2:13pm - misc - by missalexa - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

#12284629
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77098) - you deserved it (4457)

On 08/03/2010 at 8:11am - love - by Broken (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi)

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

#12283970
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8491) - you deserved it (51025)

On 08/03/2010 at 6:40am - misc - by MyFaceHurts (man) - United States (Florida)



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