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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I stood in line for one hour to get a new phone. It then took me 2 minutes to drop it and shatter the screen, and 2 seconds for the employee to look at, laugh, and tell me, "That Sucks." FML

#6322699
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13326) - you deserved it (27065)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by bananaface (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to "close my legs and stop checking out her man". FML

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

#6321583
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30224) - you deserved it (3513)

On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

#6321079
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8040) - you deserved it (22410)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

#6318893
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43615) - you deserved it (2046)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

#6318323
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9065) - you deserved it (25782)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:00pm - health - by proteinboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

#6318319
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28095) - you deserved it (3736)

On 11/15/2009 at 9:59pm - money - by stupidoldcar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

#6316849
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32810) - you deserved it (3022)

On 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by redisnotmycolor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

#6316031
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59002) - you deserved it (3605)

On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML

#6315427
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9677) - you deserved it (33056)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon". FML

#6315391
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28332) - you deserved it (2234)

On 11/15/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Smashed (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at work, when this guy came in and paid for his ice cream, then handed me a dollar. I've never gotten a tip before, so I looked at him and said, "Thank you so much, I appreciate it." He stared at me with a weird look for a moment, and then said, "Can I just get that in quarters?" FML

#6313806
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26282) - you deserved it (4955)

On 11/15/2009 at 3:04pm - money - by notip (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

#6313521
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (1660)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by theropod (man) - United States (Colorado)



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