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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

#21454744
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21917) - you deserved it (1678)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:56am - misc - by ssjfml - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

AnnaDeWitt's comment : I guess you could call him a lumberjerk.

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Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

#21454739
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22328) - you deserved it (4928)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:29am - love - by Frozen Food Fan - United States (Nevada)

UndeadFML's comment : Sounds like you were roasted.

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Today, after dating the love of my life for a year, my parents refuse to give their blessing for us to be engaged, because he's two years younger than me and "people change as they age." FML

sammysquiggs's comment : You have been dating for a year. Maybe wait a bit longer?

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Today, I took the lid off my slow cooker to serve up a casserole that had been 12 hours in the making. A cockroach took the opportunity to dive in. My husband and I are now eating toast, while the delicious smell of casserole taunts us from the trash. FML

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

#21454658
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20454) - you deserved it (1611)

On 08/11/2015 at 3:43am - misc - by ZombieGirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

#21454601
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you deserved it (4857)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

#21454592
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you deserved it (1571)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:20am - intimacy - by yamaha_313 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my football practice ended early due to severe weather. Not only had I misplaced my phone earlier in the day, both my parents thought the other had picked me up. I was in the rain for an hour and a half. FML

#21454560
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (2450)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by pi_power_15 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip because I'm a party pooper for not getting drunk and staying out late during our last vacation. I guess they forgot that I spent each night taking care of their drunk asses and stayed sober to be the designated driver. FML

#21454553
79 comments

Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

#21454460
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22564) - you deserved it (1983)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by Mrs. W. (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

#21454360
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22091) - you deserved it (1988)

On 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

#21454286
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19680) - you deserved it (5415)

On 08/10/2015 at 1:04pm - misc - by imma ture (man) -



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