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Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43896) - you deserved it (6840)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

jack_jill05's comment : At least he kind of called you hot.

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Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

#21229943
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35984) - you deserved it (16324)

On 08/05/2014 at 8:31am - kids - by ihatespiders (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Lavelle1313's comment : No shame necessary. Sacrifice the children.

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Today, my brother decided our bathroom needed a clock so he used an old DVD player. He put it on the edge of the tub. FML

#21229931
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35636) - you deserved it (3240)

On 08/05/2014 at 7:55am - misc - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Baustigt's comment : Well, now he just needs to put the TV in the bath as well and he can have an electrifying entertainment system.

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Today, on a flight, I needed to use the restroom. The passenger next to me was in a deep sleep, and was very large, so I couldn't get out by climbing over him. The urge got severe, so I resorted to tapping him on the shoulder. Turns out he had some nice reflexes and hit me in the face. FML

#21229781
71 comments

Today, I was shopping when I suddenly slipped on the wet floor and my basket and my groceries were flung everywhere. Moments later, one of the cleaners walked over holding a "wet floor" sign, saw me and laughed. FML

#21229760
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39738) - you deserved it (3082)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:52am - misc - by ms98 - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

#21229751
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41288) - you deserved it (3513)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:40am - love - by motherlover (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

#21229613
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47255) - you deserved it (3694)

On 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out the hard way that no good girlfriend-boyfriend conversation ever started with, "Suppose I slept with your best friend..." FML

#21229506
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39076) - you deserved it (7872)

On 08/04/2014 at 7:04pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33571) - you deserved it (3613)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

#21229228
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37471) - you deserved it (3802)

On 08/04/2014 at 11:08am - misc - by baebookboo - United States (Kansas)

Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML

#21229187
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33593) - you deserved it (5938)

On 08/04/2014 at 9:20am - love - by mother to be - United States

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

#21229021
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42382) - you deserved it (4182)

On 08/04/2014 at 1:42am - health - by Ew?Really? (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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