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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps randomly spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML

#20701776
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38606) - you deserved it (6227)

On 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)

↑ Cristoforo's comment : You have a fun dad

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Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

#20701600
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42948) - you deserved it (4374)

On 06/02/2013 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by i'm not psychic, mother fucker (woman) - Sweden (Uppsala Lan)

↑ TrinityisLife's comment : So you forgot your crystal ball, too, huh? Don't you hate when that happens?

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Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML

#20701502
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38939) - you deserved it (2914)

On 06/02/2013 at 3:45pm - kids - by I keep failing it all (woman) - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)

↑ Sir_Loin257's comment : Ask if you can exchange him for a more appreciative father

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Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

#20701422
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49127) - you deserved it (4234)

On 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm - intimacy - by Kay (woman) - India (Andhra Pradesh)

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59344) - you deserved it (3293)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I asked my dermatologist why my acne has been getting worse, despite following her directions and spending hundreds of dollars on medicine. She just shrugged and told me they can't actually cure my acne. However, they can prescribe me a bunch of stuff and hope one works. FML

#20700784
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42236) - you deserved it (4489)

On 06/02/2013 at 6:53am - health - by WtfDidIPayYouForThen - United States (Florida)

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

#20700710
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39808) - you deserved it (4448)

On 06/02/2013 at 4:29am - kids - by samabomination - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend made an effort to draw a penis on every page in my analysis textbook in pen. I have to return this tomorrow. FML

#20700580
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38512) - you deserved it (3677)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:11am - misc - by fucker43 - United States (Georgia)

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

#20700571
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45388) - you deserved it (5243)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by sleepy momma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while at the supermarket. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed and "f you" was written on my windshield. FML

#20700486
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41813) - you deserved it (12736)

On 06/02/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I won a local arm-wrestling tournament. Too bad I have to use the prize money to repair the tendon I tore in the competition. FML

#20700407
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35626) - you deserved it (12534)

On 06/02/2013 at 12:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my parents were artists when they met. My mom said that I was one of their best projects yet. My sister, hearing what my mother said, broke my week-old PS3 in a rage. FML

#20699851
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42431) - you deserved it (2827)

On 06/01/2013 at 7:31pm - misc - by H1dd3n (man) - United States (California)

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20699633
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43180) - you deserved it (3388)

On 06/01/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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