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Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35931) - you deserved it (9832)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

KeinBaum's comment : At least she's giving feedback and seems to have quite some humor.

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Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

#21290410
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34611) - you deserved it (4340)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:23am - kids - by wow - United States (Florida)

angiemarie96's comment : Let her try, she'll learn

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Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

#21290313
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35246) - you deserved it (3132)

On 11/02/2014 at 6:28am - health - by smellyhair - United Kingdom

Jazoo1's comment : I hate people like this. and no matter what you can't get around them.

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Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML

#21290277
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30323) - you deserved it (4398)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

#21290234
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30512) - you deserved it (2677)

On 11/02/2014 at 1:30am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend was giving me a back massage while I was laying on my stomach. A few minutes into it, he stopped. I turned around to see why; he was taking a picture of my butt. FML

#21290182
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (6423)

On 11/02/2014 at 12:51am - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

#21289931
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33604) - you deserved it (2796)

On 11/01/2014 at 6:22pm - kids - by ThaBoss12 - United States (California)

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

#21289781
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30729) - you deserved it (2872)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:59pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

#21289746
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34535) - you deserved it (4709)

On 11/01/2014 at 2:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

#21289648
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31797) - you deserved it (2465)

On 11/01/2014 at 11:28am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a Halloween party with people from work. As the night passed, my boss got hammered and started throwing food at people. It was fun and games until I accidentally spilled his 10th beer. His response? To slam a hollowed out pumpkin full of chocolate mousse over my head. FML

#21289623
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30437) - you deserved it (3730)

On 11/01/2014 at 10:26am - misc - by helosthisshit (man) - United Kingdom (West Lothian)

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

#21289613
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (6181)

On 11/01/2014 at 10:06am - love - by limegreengiraffe - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized why the lady I had complimented the night before on Halloween about her amazing one-armed costume, looked so hurt. She is literally missing an arm. I'm an asshole. FML

#21289586
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32963) - you deserved it (12205)

On 11/01/2014 at 8:58am - misc - by That Guy - United States (Florida)



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