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Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36555) - you deserved it (3554)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I looked at a girl's profile on a dating website, and it told her I'd visited it. Later on, she sent me a message. It said: "Don't even think about it." FML

#21253110
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33561) - you deserved it (3155)

On 09/06/2014 at 3:29pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

TCRII's comment : Tell her "no problem, I already ruled you out."

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Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

Today, my mother yelled at me for not doing all of my homework. She got so mad, she tore up a drawing I'd spent over a week working on. That was my art homework. FML

#21253019
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43864) - you deserved it (3312)

On 09/06/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by StillPissedOffAtIrony (woman) - United States (Florida)

people_annoy_me's comment : What great parenting.

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Today, I found out that my sister licks all the flavoring off Doritos and puts them back in the bag. FML

#21252905
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37402) - you deserved it (2727)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:35am - misc - by UghDude (man) - United States (Texas)

jeffandjeff's comment : Fight her

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Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

#21252828
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35955) - you deserved it (6074)

On 09/06/2014 at 2:11am - work - by fastfoodslave (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

#21252777
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37591) - you deserved it (2299)

On 09/06/2014 at 12:25am - misc - by why me? - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44283) - you deserved it (2608)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

#21252624
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32192) - you deserved it (9185)

On 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by tbee - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

#21252587
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42863) - you deserved it (6197)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by onlywantuanyway -

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

#21252552
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46071) - you deserved it (2493)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by almost governmental (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34280) - you deserved it (16112)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

#21252533
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15555) - you deserved it (35935)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)



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