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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27616) - you deserved it (7478)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

johobus28's comment : I can totally imagine that haha "FUCK YOU GOOSE WHY ARE YOU A GOOSE!"

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Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

#21309350
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31637) - you deserved it (9082)

On 12/01/2014 at 9:37am - love - by foreveralone (man) - Australia (Victoria)

askullnamedbilly's comment : Rejected. The word you're looking for is rejected, and it's probably due to the fact that women are so interchangeable to you that you asked out three of them in just one day.

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Today, my husband shaved off his beard. Turns out he looks like my ex. FML

stryder9090's comment : IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG

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Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

#21309261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29573) - you deserved it (2979)

On 12/01/2014 at 2:30am - money - by shitty candles - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

#21309102
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31102) - you deserved it (4970)

On 11/30/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by fishtacos (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for the first time ever, my family bought a real Christmas tree instead of using our old fake one. Today, I also found out I'm allergic to Christmas trees. My family won't get rid of it because they paid so much for it and intend to "get their money's worth". FML

#21308826
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (2863)

On 11/30/2014 at 3:24pm - misc - by Nose Numb - United States

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32668) - you deserved it (4221)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

#21308718
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (2289)

On 11/30/2014 at 12:29pm - kids - by Greatgrandpa (man) - Curacao

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

#21308641
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30075) - you deserved it (17554)

On 11/30/2014 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my wife and I drove two hours from our rural town to buy a new sofa. When we got home, it took us an hour to figure out there was no way to fit it through our door. We made the two hour drive back to return it, only to find the store was closed. FML

#21308507
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28420) - you deserved it (8853)

On 11/30/2014 at 1:09am - misc - by davy0540 - United States

Today, my little sister asked if she could play on my laptop, but I said no because I was writing an essay for school. She then bit herself hard and showed the mark to our parents, saying I did it. As they bitched me out, my sister got on my laptop and deleted my half-finished essay. FML

#21308491
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40272) - you deserved it (2556)

On 11/30/2014 at 12:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

#21308445
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30095) - you deserved it (2974)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

#21308437
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34085) - you deserved it (3037)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by .... - United States (Illinois)



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