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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML

#21387468
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25551) - you deserved it (3378)

On 04/04/2015 at 10:35am - work - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

#21387442
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28263) - you deserved it (3649)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Steve95401's comment : And you point to the tiniest animal in the zoo and say "That's what you're hung like".

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Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

#21387438
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27939) - you deserved it (2680)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

PurpleMyth's comment : How do you get forced into that? That's just wrong

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Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

#21387401
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31995) - you deserved it (3031)

On 04/04/2015 at 6:16am - love - by Anonymous - India

Qball56's comment : And from that point on, you was running!

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Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

#21387302
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34585) - you deserved it (2344)

On 04/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, the last thing I remember before getting the shit beaten out of me at the bar, was my dipshit brother saying to me, "Dude, I'm not a racist, but" and then ranting about how non-whites should get out of America. FML

#21387285
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27327) - you deserved it (2755)

On 04/03/2015 at 11:29pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

#21387249
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28870) - you deserved it (3262)

On 04/03/2015 at 9:57pm - intimacy - by lameows - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

#21387213
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27342) - you deserved it (2138)

On 04/03/2015 at 8:42pm - health - by NotDrunk - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

#21387157
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28991) - you deserved it (2117)

On 04/03/2015 at 7:00pm - misc - by big_bail (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28803) - you deserved it (5439)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

#21387075
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24752) - you deserved it (3290)

On 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm - misc - by HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

#21387066
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26971) - you deserved it (2009)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

#21387046
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23395) - you deserved it (2243)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08pm - health - by glocked and goaded (woman) - United States (California)



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