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Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML

ilovesoccer1610's comment : You shouldn't have given any money at all. If you didn't do it then she can't prove anything.

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Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

#21353290
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28205) - you deserved it (17621)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:51am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

DonkeyTeeth2013's comment : Well, you asked for it!

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Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

#21353256
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35687) - you deserved it (4338)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:59am - love - by krh14 - United States (Maryland)

SlowDownImaNoob's comment : She wasn't on the phone with her ex.. It was Jake from State Farm..

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Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

#21353086
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27934) - you deserved it (4980)

On 02/09/2015 at 11:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

#21353037
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30657) - you deserved it (2385)

On 02/09/2015 at 10:15pm - work - by EMTGirl'sLife - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

#21353006
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28579) - you deserved it (2621)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:32pm - misc - by LunaCrow (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25591) - you deserved it (4850)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24562) - you deserved it (9426)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

#21352803
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31197) - you deserved it (3737)

On 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35302) - you deserved it (2782)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

#21352626
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33469) - you deserved it (3479)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:32am - intimacy - by myself - United States

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

#21352624
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34004) - you deserved it (3038)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by wtf?? - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

#21352523
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36652) - you deserved it (2068)

On 02/09/2015 at 1:23am - health - by wellalrightythen - United States (Indiana)



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Friday 27 February 2015

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