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Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

#21295090
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32582) - you deserved it (4192)

On 11/08/2014 at 11:06pm - kids - by NoBabies - United States (Arizona)

sweetest_jenn's comment : I don't know why women feel like they must compete to see who gets married/involved and knocked up first. It's not a contest, wait until you are in love with a responsible guy, and you're emotionally and financially capable of taking care of another human being.

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Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

#21295068
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17859) - you deserved it (34596)

On 11/08/2014 at 10:38pm - misc - by jlong9071 - United States (North Carolina)

devildog562's comment : You sir, are dumber then dirt. Don't talk shit if you can't back it up.

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Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

#21295011
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34994) - you deserved it (2815)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:36pm - misc - by ItGirl - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)

Today, after moving to a new neighbourhood, I went to meet my new neighbour. When she opened the door, all she said was, "Oh not you again!", and shut the door in my face. I have no memory of her. FML

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39788) - you deserved it (3412)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

iLike2Teabag's comment : Holy mother of OP she's good.

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Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29259) - you deserved it (7522)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

#21294812
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17516) - you deserved it (32915)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I decided to use my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "grand" escape. FML

#21294808
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20364) - you deserved it (26385)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:33pm - health - by thatsureshowedme (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I swapped out my maternity gown for a regular old t-shirt. My visiting mother-in-law called me a fatass and said I need to lose weight. I'd given birth just 40 hours earlier. FML

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16353) - you deserved it (29958)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

#21294602
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (3124)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:09am - intimacy - by betterthanhodor - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

#21294499
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30364) - you deserved it (4085)

On 11/08/2014 at 2:36am - love - by sickyandiknowit - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

#21294259
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50289) - you deserved it (2920)

On 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)



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