Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28737) - you deserved it (2629)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Akerra89's comment : I would thank her for that and kindly mention your fear of spiders, and ask to get another pet together.

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Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML

#21406460
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29263) - you deserved it (7361)

On 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by Bonnie and Clyde - United States (Texas)

RickySleeves's comment : You had sex in a cop's car?

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Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because someone asked him if we were dating and he lied and said no. He said he didn't want to be a liar. FML

#21406350
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29567) - you deserved it (2239)

On 05/07/2015 at 6:22pm - love - by alaina2001 - United States (Ohio)

0void0's comment : I'm thinking he may have done you a favor, if that's how his mind works...

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Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

#21406339
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27678) - you deserved it (2955)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:56pm - misc - by Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

#21406331
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16528) - you deserved it (24176)

On 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm - money - by NevertheKool (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28497) - you deserved it (2497)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

#21406233
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31438) - you deserved it (5276)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by pleasedie - United States (Florida)

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

#21406178
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (6250)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

#21406084
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27134) - you deserved it (2559)

On 05/07/2015 at 7:01am - misc - by Chubby (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

#21406043
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32551) - you deserved it (2105)

On 05/07/2015 at 2:27am - love - by that one anon - United States (California)

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

#21406019
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27405) - you deserved it (4824)

On 05/07/2015 at 1:12am - work - by CASH_NoMOMEY - United States (California)

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31288) - you deserved it (4288)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States



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