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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

#21296970
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31106) - you deserved it (2597)

On 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML

#21296921
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34843) - you deserved it (6045)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:43pm - money - by killme - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a long black hair coming out of the drain. Thinking it was my sister's, I called her in and pulled it out for her to see, only to realize I was actually pulling out a long brown roach by the antenna. FML

#21296899
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33882) - you deserved it (4366)

On 11/11/2014 at 11:56am - animals - by izzy46111 - United States (Arizona)

Kromcakes's comment : Oh that's nasty.

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Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML

#21296872
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44801) - you deserved it (4748)

On 11/11/2014 at 10:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Jazoo1's comment : Yet, if she grabbed your chest and you slapped her, you would be arrested.

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Today, my cat tunneled her way under the covers to sleep beside me. It was really cute until she panicked in the middle of the night and practically skinned me alive trying to find her way out. FML

Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML

#21296653
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31499) - you deserved it (3924)

On 11/11/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by mouthwash - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was so lonely, I caught myself whispering to my food just so I had someone to talk to. FML

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

#21296304
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32681) - you deserved it (9953)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

tdawg91's comment : Well...... Take a hint?

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Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

#21296136
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42433) - you deserved it (4025)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34688) - you deserved it (4901)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

#21296003
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33012) - you deserved it (4672)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:10am - work - by Pixel (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35158) - you deserved it (5616)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

#21295699
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30193) - you deserved it (6230)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm - animals - by dogdays (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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