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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

#21208109
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45738) - you deserved it (3745)

On 07/13/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by all puked out (man) - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off, he started hyperventilating to the point of blacking out. So much for that. FML

#21208053
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43664) - you deserved it (4386)

On 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Welshite's comment : He was just so over-whelmed. I would take it as a compliment if I were you.

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Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

#21207995
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53491) - you deserved it (4387)

On 07/13/2014 at 2:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

746278Ab's comment : I'm sorry but it's better that you find out now rather than later!

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Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

#21207963
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36814) - you deserved it (6085)

On 07/13/2014 at 1:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

#21207892
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40061) - you deserved it (5774)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

hacksaw246's comment : Aslong as you have a good relationship with your son fuck what they think

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Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

#21207695
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53024) - you deserved it (6808)

On 07/13/2014 at 3:46am - intimacy - by NoSexForMe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

#21207511
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41431) - you deserved it (13506)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss called me to inform me that I'm being laid off. In my ensuing fit of rage, I deleted the recent project I've been working on for weeks. Pretty soon after, he called me back to let me know it was a prank. FML

#21207207
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43177) - you deserved it (14975)

On 07/12/2014 at 5:11pm - work - by Workhorse - United States (Ohio)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42018) - you deserved it (6984)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

#21206966
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38157) - you deserved it (5678)

On 07/12/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52259) - you deserved it (10588)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, I got stood up on a date for three hours. I would have left much earlier but the whole time she had reassured me that she was on her way. And then I saw her tweeting about the pizza rolls she was making at home. FML

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43867) - you deserved it (4193)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)



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