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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

#21257810
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33463) - you deserved it (3253)

On 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm - animals - by new dog - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

#21257417
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40161) - you deserved it (4397)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

bsmallz3's comment : well at least you have a nice ass

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Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

#21257414
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35710) - you deserved it (3140)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:36am - misc - by Jamestown of Vagina (man) - United States (Texas)

icnburbbygrl's comment : Ah yes, the state of vagina was founded in 1770

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Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Duluxe". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML

#21257403
90 comments

GoldFishPony's comment : Well you shouldn't only want to see her for sex

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Today, I'm precisely one month away from graduating with a degree in translation for the sole purpose of becoming a state-authorised translator. Today, I also discovered that my government has just decided to abandon the concept of authorisation for translators. FML

#21257358
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38292) - you deserved it (2714)

On 09/13/2014 at 7:03am - work - by stupidgov (woman) - Italy

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36112) - you deserved it (2963)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

#21257293
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32077) - you deserved it (16037)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:29am - misc - by Nat - United States (Texas)

Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML

#21257129
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36045) - you deserved it (8440)

On 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

#21257075
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33519) - you deserved it (2944)

On 09/12/2014 at 6:27pm - misc - by jjhach (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I found out my fiancée's been cheating on me. Her excuse? Her ADHD made her do it. FML

#21257049
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (2794)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

#21257037
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42882) - you deserved it (2708)

On 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm - misc - by he's not the one going to hell (man) - Australia

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35109) - you deserved it (2916)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

#21256874
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20063) - you deserved it (40443)

On 09/12/2014 at 10:32am - misc - by uppiskalle - United States (Rhode Island)



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