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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my brother offered me $20 to practice his kissing on me for his date later this evening. FML

#21296136
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42215) - you deserved it (4020)

On 11/10/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by SisterOfTard (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Rainbow_dumpster's comment : Eeeewwwwwwwww

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Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34486) - you deserved it (4896)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

RusticChick's comment : Sounds like love

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Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

#21296003
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32931) - you deserved it (4671)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:10am - work - by Pixel (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34816) - you deserved it (5572)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

#21295699
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30129) - you deserved it (6211)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm - animals - by dogdays (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was waiting in line at the check out, some guy came up behind me, plucked a hair out of my head, and ran off with it. FML

#21295452
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31133) - you deserved it (2537)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

DeuceDeuce's comment : Polyjuice potion?

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Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37217) - you deserved it (4654)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

#21295289
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34359) - you deserved it (3808)

On 11/09/2014 at 8:31am - misc - by analgirl (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

#21295236
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32859) - you deserved it (3208)

On 11/09/2014 at 3:37am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

#21295219
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30833) - you deserved it (6519)

On 11/09/2014 at 2:51am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, the last of my close friends announced she is pregnant. Meanwhile, I'm single and my nest is empty. Well, not exactly, because even my freaking cat is pregnant. FML

#21295090
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32544) - you deserved it (4192)

On 11/08/2014 at 11:06pm - kids - by NoBabies - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

#21295068
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17825) - you deserved it (34499)

On 11/08/2014 at 10:38pm - misc - by jlong9071 - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

#21295011
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34918) - you deserved it (2812)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:36pm - misc - by ItGirl - Sweden (Sodermanlands Lan)



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