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Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16307) - you deserved it (29798)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

ireply_wlyrics's comment : why would you do the hunger games salute at a bar mitzvah anyway?

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Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

#21294602
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42120) - you deserved it (3099)

On 11/08/2014 at 9:09am - intimacy - by betterthanhodor - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Rawrshi's comment : Bloody hell.

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Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

#21294499
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30244) - you deserved it (4081)

On 11/08/2014 at 2:36am - love - by sickyandiknowit - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

#21294259
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49206) - you deserved it (2892)

On 11/07/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

XDsmileyDX's comment : Oh look, there's a nice curb with his name on it.

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Today, I got a new roommate. I thought he was pretty cool until he mentioned how everything around us was a conspiracy. Then he asked if I knew how to make a bomb. FML

#21294024
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30993) - you deserved it (2232)

On 11/07/2014 at 10:51am - misc - by NoToBombs - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

#21293948
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32892) - you deserved it (15467)

On 11/07/2014 at 7:28am - love - by Turnaround (woman) -

Today, my mum was in a bad mood, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her I love her, and giving her a hug. She slapped me hard enough to leave a red, hand-shaped mark on my face, and told me to fuck off with my "sarcasm". FML

#21293904
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (3168)

On 11/07/2014 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

#21293883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29269) - you deserved it (3567)

On 11/07/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by all shat out - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

#21293843
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32518) - you deserved it (2854)

On 11/07/2014 at 12:47am - health - by jj - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was in the middle of a shower, and downstairs I heard my 7 year old daughter screaming "Mom!! Help! I need you right now!" I panicked and ran downstairs, not giving myself enough time to put some clothing on. It was my neighbor at the door. FML

#21293802
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32860) - you deserved it (3184)

On 11/06/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by ozozl - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (13256)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he got up and said he needed to go home because he was tired and just wanted to relax and watch TV. That's what we were doing. FML

#21293619
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31909) - you deserved it (3608)

On 11/06/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by really - United States



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