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Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21592) - you deserved it (2263)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

sleepyfires's comment : Of course not! They're mammals, you silly child.

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Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

#21441535
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22049) - you deserved it (2192)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:28pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

#21441519
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21921) - you deserved it (1449)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

#21441443
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24204) - you deserved it (1642)

On 07/14/2015 at 8:00am - work - by mississpissi (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

#21441433
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27474) - you deserved it (1562)

On 07/14/2015 at 6:33am - misc - by ow my kidneys (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Yazoo77's comment : Should have turned back and threw her off the slide

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Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

DemHaxBro's comment : Sounds like somebody uses WAY too much makeup, YDI

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Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23444) - you deserved it (19358)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

#21441279
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22396) - you deserved it (2027)

On 07/13/2015 at 10:36pm - health - by wintersoldier - Austria

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23680) - you deserved it (2966)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking alone through a sketchy neighbourhood after a party, I learned that I look too broke to even rob and "not worth the bother". Overhead from a guy waiting for me in a bush with a flashlight and his equally charming friend. FML

Today, most of my family was out of the house, so I took the opportunity to go to the bathroom and browse some porn. Five minutes later my sister comes and asks me to disconnect from bluetooth and that my "dinosaur noises" were blocking her and her friend's music. I'm currently hiding in shame. FML

#21441140
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22202) - you deserved it (10662)

On 07/13/2015 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by Nigel - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

#21440980
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26088) - you deserved it (1920)

On 07/13/2015 at 11:10am - misc - by carl_carl_ - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

#21440955
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22902) - you deserved it (3584)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:56am - misc - by distracted - Australia (New South Wales)



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