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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

#21521061
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17412) - you deserved it (5346)

On 01/30/2016 at 5:30am - misc - by AV (man) - Bulgaria (Plovdiv)

Ethan_Anonymous's comment : How bad of a town to be in to think you've been shot? FYL

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Today, I got in trouble with my boss for not showing up to work yesterday. It seems going into anaphylactic shock isn't a valid excuse. FML

#21521056
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20466) - you deserved it (1240)

On 01/30/2016 at 4:33am - health - by Allergic to Assholes - United States (Indiana)

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

#21521050
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (1612)

On 01/30/2016 at 3:56am - kids - by MandieL - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

#21521037
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19970) - you deserved it (5852)

On 01/30/2016 at 2:45am - money - by :/ - United States (Arizona)

bandaidstations's comment : Did you at least give the elderly man some company while you were there? He probably forgets who his grandkids are anyway. ;) OP, in no way do you deserve this. Getting out of a hole when you can barely feed yourself is hard. But if I can do it you can too. Just don't give up working for what you deserve out of life!

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Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

#21521027
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21587) - you deserved it (1590)

On 01/30/2016 at 1:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

jadeleepenguin's comment : Sorry for your loss. No matter how much of a man you are, crying at a funeral does not mean you're weak. Especially if it's someone close like a grandmother.

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Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

#21521010
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21714) - you deserved it (2207)

On 01/30/2016 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

#21520994
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18747) - you deserved it (4188)

On 01/29/2016 at 10:54pm - misc - by MemoKrosav (man) - Mexico (Tamaulipas)

Today, I finally scrounged up enough change to do laundry, so I loaded up my car, swung by the bank to take out my rent money, and stopped at a gas station to get a drink. When I came outside, my car was gone, along with all my clothes and rent money. FML

Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML

#21520891
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17680) - you deserved it (3202)

On 01/29/2016 at 5:53pm - misc - by Why (man) -

Today, my whack job of a father told my 8-year-old son that his cat deserves a bullet to the head for being so damn stupid. FML

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

#21521055
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17597) - you deserved it (2145) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2016 at 5:38pm - work - by Anonyme - China (Shanghai)

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

#21520882
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18665) - you deserved it (3250)

On 01/29/2016 at 5:18pm - misc - by I Tried (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

#21520859
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11766) - you deserved it (24711)

On 01/29/2016 at 4:19pm - love - by ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER (man) - United States (New York)



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