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Today, I paid someone $30 to give me a hickey so I could prove I had a social life. FML

#21335329
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19273) - you deserved it (21211)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:46pm - love - by thirsty af - New Zealand (Wellington)

The_Big_Boss's comment : Just use a vacuum and save yourself the money

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Today, after listening to a group of my friends ranting on about how much they love babies and can't wait to have them, I got to witness their looks of horror and disgust as I expressed my desire to not have children. I also happened to be the only girl there. FML

#21335310
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28810) - you deserved it (3008)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:14pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Steve95401's comment : There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. A lot of people have children who should never have been parents.

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Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

#21335287
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26531) - you deserved it (3106)

On 01/11/2015 at 7:39pm - love - by janegeorge (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17416) - you deserved it (25498)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

ktm71125's comment : Thanks for the tip. On another note what on Earth made you think having sex on a glass table was a good idea. FYL

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Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

#21334989
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31396) - you deserved it (2392)

On 01/11/2015 at 8:03am - kids - by StabStab (man) - Belgium

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

#21334934
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28402) - you deserved it (2326)

On 01/11/2015 at 3:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (3120)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

#21334864
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30076) - you deserved it (6335)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:56am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

#21334755
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26398) - you deserved it (3831)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by so much for romance - United States (New York)

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

#21334747
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31515) - you deserved it (2189)

On 01/10/2015 at 10:02pm - work - by Jem (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28576) - you deserved it (2433)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

#21334630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28260) - you deserved it (2071)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:46pm - work - by sadlrana121 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I gave a presentation to my college class about life with Tourette syndrome. I only got 3 minutes into it before my asswipe classmates started yelling stuff like "Shit!", "Cock!", and "Bob Saget!" I gave up and went back to my seat in tears as our bored instructor said "Next." FML

#21334608
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34239) - you deserved it (2344)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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