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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML

#20671220
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29219) - you deserved it (2917)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she apparently saw me making out with her sister. She doesn't even have a sister. FML

#20671163
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31825) - you deserved it (2584)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

#20671146
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26891) - you deserved it (3130)

On 05/18/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Guanajuato)

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

#20671062
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24652) - you deserved it (3269)

On 05/18/2013 at 2:44pm - misc - by look at the fucking universe, lady (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29916) - you deserved it (10789)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, I recieved a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML

#20670426
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35519) - you deserved it (2560)

On 05/18/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by JACKxRAWR (man) - United Kingdom

↑ miyaviichan's comment : Yo that's messed up. I hate when they knock and only hang around for like 3 seconds before leaving.

See all the comments →

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

#20670402
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35889) - you deserved it (3593)

On 05/18/2013 at 4:57am - misc - by Chelsea - Australia (Western Australia)

↑ Aratiti's comment : My mother told me that she once had to walk home topless from the beach when her friend accidentally took all of her clothes.

See all the comments →

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

#20670246
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (3981)

On 05/18/2013 at 1:22am - love - by Sarsippius -

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

#20670019
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29279) - you deserved it (7985)

On 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm - love - by moo... -

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

#20669510
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31903) - you deserved it (7771)

On 05/17/2013 at 6:28pm - misc - by well great. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

#20669389
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38518) - you deserved it (9763)

On 05/17/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by -1 friend (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

#20669324
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32866) - you deserved it (10687)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:49pm - health - by sprainedankle - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

#20669248
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32119) - you deserved it (8652)

On 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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