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Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14944) - you deserved it (1433)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

reachaxe's comment : Next time cut them after a warm bath!

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Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

#21523192
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15076) - you deserved it (1636)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by myusofwe (woman) - Puerto Rico

kangx1's comment : Maybe it was his first time and he was overly nervous? Don't be too hard on him OP as for the sticking his limp dick inside you lmao FYL

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Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15385) - you deserved it (2008)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

PaulChristie's comment : Women know everything. Don't you know that? If they want information they will get it!

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Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14919) - you deserved it (1347)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

#21523112
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15779) - you deserved it (1861)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:33pm - misc - by UUUGHHH (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

#21523102
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20759) - you deserved it (945)

On 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13259) - you deserved it (3678)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, while at work at a small Microsoft partner company, I had to write an email explaining why Internet Explorer is superior to Google Chrome. FML

#21523050
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19148) - you deserved it (1875)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:36am - work - by Coccinelle - France

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

#21523045
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14947) - you deserved it (1264)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:07am - misc - by Hreid254 - United States (Texas)

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

#21523010
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16693) - you deserved it (2179)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

#21523006
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14887) - you deserved it (1381)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:04am - money - by ferret702 - United States (Nevada)

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16307) - you deserved it (1508)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16049) - you deserved it (5574)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



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