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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

#21287500
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (5180)

On 10/29/2014 at 4:19am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25558) - you deserved it (6482)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

kayydb7's comment : That's when you laugh it off as a joke, then sell him the pen.

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Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML

#21287196
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25864) - you deserved it (2668)

On 10/28/2014 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

AnOriginalName's comment : Eh. She can know that it's a vice and still be happy for others who choose not to partake. I don't see much wrong with this situation.

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Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

#21287120
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24691) - you deserved it (1882)

On 10/28/2014 at 5:58pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom with my husband, so I set up some Halloween torches to create a wild ambiance. Unfortunately our dickhead neighbours saw the glow, didn't remember that fire tends to give off smoke, and called the fire department on us. FML

#21287079
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26608) - you deserved it (5232)

On 10/28/2014 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by BurnedDown (woman) - United Kingdom (East Riding of Yorkshire)

extremereviews's comment : At least you know your neighbors care about you

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Today, I went to a first aid training course. I had to lie on the floor and pretend I was unconscious. We were supposed to be doing the recovery position, but the guy I was working with decided to perform CPR instead and grope my boobs in the process. FML

#21287010
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27390) - you deserved it (2544)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

#21286990
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25899) - you deserved it (3473)

On 10/28/2014 at 2:04pm - health - by not drunk (woman) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I was getting a pedicure to cheer myself up. I've been so lonely, I got overly excited when someone sat next to me, because I got to pretend I had a friend. FML

#21286908
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28080) - you deserved it (3267)

On 10/28/2014 at 10:07am - misc - by bottombarrel - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML

#21286814
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27281) - you deserved it (4431)

On 10/28/2014 at 3:40am - animals - by thewrittenrebel - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19690) - you deserved it (26005)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I reprimanded three students for sleeping, five for not having books, and kicked three out for texting in class. One student yelled at me for a bad grade, and another stormed out for a failing exam score. I teach at a four-year university. FML

Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML

#21286665
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25290) - you deserved it (4379)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm - health - by Discipl (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24544) - you deserved it (10130)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)



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