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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

#21448499
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17627) - you deserved it (1007)

On 07/28/2015 at 9:14am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Liamj774's comment : Refuse to serve him because he doesn't look smart enough

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Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20392) - you deserved it (2809)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

TheRugMan's comment : I bet those are some damn good ritz crackers though

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Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18621) - you deserved it (2095)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

zadok24's comment : Well, at least it's not dry anymore

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Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22131) - you deserved it (3356)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18823) - you deserved it (1343)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21870) - you deserved it (1728)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21834) - you deserved it (2030)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

#21448078
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21159) - you deserved it (2152)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

#21448024
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22509) - you deserved it (1671)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

#21447950
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24019) - you deserved it (1707)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

#21447917
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22330) - you deserved it (4379)

On 07/27/2015 at 5:25am - misc - by NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

#21447824
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20722) - you deserved it (4072)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States



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