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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

#21318538
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19650) - you deserved it (1912)

On 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22834) - you deserved it (1633)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21938) - you deserved it (2374)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

foxwasalamb's comment : shit man, how do you forget something like that? were you conference calling in the bathroom? id want that to be super private

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Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25668) - you deserved it (4768)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Welshite's comment : Well...fork.

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Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

assh0l3's comment : All of you are saying insensitive. I see a boyfriend who just made his girlfriend happy when she was sad...

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Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (2903)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24576) - you deserved it (2049)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23415) - you deserved it (2448)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

#21317874
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26564) - you deserved it (2258)

On 12/15/2014 at 11:07am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26380) - you deserved it (7008)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

#21317643
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (5183)

On 12/14/2014 at 10:50pm - money - by dawg - United States (Florida)



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