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Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27988) - you deserved it (4937)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

davincidasecond's comment : Grounded. For. Life.

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Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22905) - you deserved it (3105)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

BlondePsycho's comment : Slip laxatives into his food.

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Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

#21342878
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24792) - you deserved it (2128)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by uggg - United States (Washington)

DomoCarter's comment : That's tough. There's nothing wrong with her, she's just very insecure. Either she'll get over it or feel EXTREMELY guilty /: Hopefully her opinion changes as you help her pick up her self esteem

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Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20625) - you deserved it (2599)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23515) - you deserved it (1849)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33074) - you deserved it (2046)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML

#21342765
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23326) - you deserved it (1989)

On 01/23/2015 at 8:27am - work - by Mishlette (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

#21342680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21734) - you deserved it (4095)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:39am - misc - by Evra (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML

#21342658
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24228) - you deserved it (3198)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:33am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

#21342394
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22278) - you deserved it (3677)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm - kids - by ameliaruth09 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23019) - you deserved it (7732)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23187) - you deserved it (2355)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

#21342247
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33347) - you deserved it (2836)

On 01/22/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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