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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4169) - you deserved it (316)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

#21246620
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3914) - you deserved it (325)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm - misc - by dr.mantistobagon (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

#21246592
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9889) - you deserved it (773)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11181) - you deserved it (9682)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

#21246563
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12674) - you deserved it (925)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by leem (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, after my windshield wipers being stolen twice in a row, I decided to hide in my car to catch the thief. I fell asleep. When I woke up, the new wipers were gone. FML

#21246432
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (5063)

On 08/27/2014 at 1:19pm - misc - by spark - United States (California)

Brooke5702's comment : Swiper no swiping Swiper be wiping

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Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

rhysfucker's comment : They are taking over. You weren't supposed to tell.

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Today, I tried to contact my college's financial aid office. After listening to the same damn "Our counselors are busy" message for over an hour, someone picked up the phone and hung up immediately. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

#21246190
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (3243)

On 08/27/2014 at 12:56am - love - by Iamthatgirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13184) - you deserved it (28318)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

captainsmegma's comment : Well now don't you feel like a complete douche bag.

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Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

#21246120
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27547) - you deserved it (2906)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm - misc - by WowOuch - United States (Texas)

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

#21245941
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23573) - you deserved it (2741)

On 08/26/2014 at 6:55pm - misc - by Lika1712 (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event, he said the sex was actually pretty bad and that he should file a medical malpractice lawsuit. Then he laughed at his own joke, got dressed, and went out for drinks. FML

#21245913
72 comments


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